This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
