Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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