...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
