Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize