it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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