Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
3pm strippers are depressing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
