you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
