My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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