Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is my gift to your gina
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
