please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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