Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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