Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
