Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
