I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
