Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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