can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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