i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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