I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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