Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
