you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
