Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
