i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
