i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
