just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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