yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
