I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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