i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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