it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
