so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
