i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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