Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
