Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
