Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
