so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
