just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
