I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
