why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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