when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
