Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
try to milk me bitch
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
