i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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