the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
