Only a mothe r could love this liver
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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