he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
