i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
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