She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
