she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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