im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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