Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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