Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
