I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
