we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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