Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
