Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
