Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there's paper in my vomit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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