I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
