her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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