i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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