dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
