I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
