john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
