remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
