how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
