For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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