Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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