I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
where are my eyebrows?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
