like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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