Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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