That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
