Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
